Time out is one of the most popular forms of discipline. Timeout is commonly accepted and practiced among many different people, however it is my experience that it is often done incorrectly making the results unreliable. When done correctly timeout is a great way to teach children how to make good choices and take time to reflect when they don’t.

Children are developmentally able to begin understand the concept of timeout around one year old. I know, I know, most parents look at me like I’m crazy, but truly by one year old your child is ready to start learning what is and is not appropriate. Human beings are social creatures and the removal of the child from social interaction is an effective way to discipline at a very young age.

First step is to make sure your child is aware of what you are expecting. When you need your child to do something get down on their level, look them in the eye, and clearly state your expectation. Oftentimes parents ask their child to do something ‘Are you ready to clean up” or ‘Do you want to get dressed?’ This is a mistake because you are communicating a choice to the child. If you need them to do something, then TELL them, don’t ask. For example ‘It is time to clean up’ or ‘I need you to get dressed’. If your child does not do what you say, then give them a choice ‘Ok, you can do as I told you or sit in time out’.

Next step, follow through. Do not give more than one choice. Do not argue with them. If the child chooses not to do as they are told them it is time out. This is not a time to bargain, plead, or make arrangements. This is also not a time for you to lecture or go on and on. Simply place the child in an area where there is little to interact with and is in your sight line. Do not talk with or interact with the child while they are in timeout. It is perfectly fine for the child to cry and be upset – it is upsetting to be consequenced. Rule of thumb is one minute per year of child, example 3 year old sits for 3 minutes.

If timeout is a new concept to your child it may take multiple times before they understand the rules. When they get up from the timeout spot, take them by the child and place them back into timeout. This can be an exhausting situation but DO NOT give in or it will take even more times the next time. I have placed a child in time out so often I had muscle soreness the next day, but I did not give in. The next time the child knew I was serious and sat the first time.

Finally, when the timeout is over go over to your little one, get on their level, re-state why they were placed in time out. I always ask if the child is ready to come back to the family, sometimes they need more time. The child needs to apologize, hug, and kisses. Then your job is to drop it, do not keep bringing it up, do not remind them of their shortcomings or say something like ‘remember last time’. Move forward with your day and with your child.

1. Give the child a direction
2. Give the child a choice: listen or time out
3. Follow through
4. Re-state the choices that led up to time out
5. Apologies and move forward